Et tu, Uterus????

Yup, you guessed it! It's all asses and elbows in here now! I am having SO much trouble moving around now that I am really starting to get frustrated. A month ago, I could float all around (FUN!), visit new places, chill in different positions, and essentially maximize my overall enjoyment of this development process. Tired of facing in one direction? Let me just roll over with ease. Bored with this area of the womb? One little kick and I was floating into unchartered waters, not knowing what adventures might await (SUSPENSEFUL!). I was footloose and fancy free, and let me tell you, I LIKED it that way!

Now, it is just SO crowded in here! The only saving grace in this whole situ is now I can make mom do multiple "funny" things at once since I can touch a variety of "hot spots" simultaneously. Unfortunately, the novelty of this is even starting to wear thin (SIGH!).

I thought my uterus and I had an agreement. You know, you grow, I grow. We had the perfect relationship, so why go changing? Well, apparently, my uterus had other ideas. One day it just looked at me as if to say, "Madelyn, this is the end of the road for me. I've grown as much as I can and I don't have much left in the tank to get any bigger." No problem I thought. I just figured I'd do the same, stay small, and float around until it was time for my arrival. I quickly realized, however, that was not the plan as I kept increasing in size while being stuck with the same amount of space. I could not grasp why my uterus would not cooperate and give a little. We had an understanding, right? It remained firm in its stance of maximum size while I was left to deal with the consequences of that decision. Thanks! The more I thought about it, the more angry I got. Then, I was suddenly awash with a sense of betrayal. I felt like Caesar when he discovered Brutus led the assassination plot, and just looked at him as he was dying to say, "WHY?!" Why?! We were having so much fun, and my uterus just had to go and ruin it.

O-M-G! I feel like one of those characters in the horror movies, trapped between the two spiky walls as they slowly creep closer and closer, while the person is rendered helpless, stuck waiting for an inevitable death while they think to themselves "What have I done with my life?!" (MORBID!). OH, don't worry, I'm not actually going to meet my demise in here! I hope I didn't scare you. Sometimes I get SO carried away with all of my hyperbole and crazy analogies! Oops.

I just had no idea it would get so cramped in here. I am thinking I should have dad call David Blaine and tell him I'm available for shows. I could easily contort myself into an extremely small shape (God knows, I have the practice!). Then, he could put me in a "magical box" and make me disappear, or do whatever tricks magicians do (SURPRISING!). David, if you're reading, give my dad a call and we'll set something up. I'm not looking "long-term", but could work a few shows a week for at least another month. At least then I could make the most of my plight. You know, use lemons to make lemonade if you will? That sort of thing…..

Anyhoo, I am really doing fine otherwise. I am seriously staring to reconsider my "fashionably late" stance though because I don't know how much longer I can stand this. As you read my blog I am heavily weighing my options, and have even entertained the idea of arriving early. Shocking, I KNOW! I am just not sure how much more knee nibbling I can take. Stay tuned!

Later…..

SO into:

• Dreaming
• Sunflowers
• Olympic Curling
• Colored Shoelaces

SO not:

• Black Ice
• Rowboats
• Mullets
• Bad Breath