Q: I have heard that your nails grow really super long while in the womb. Is this true, and if so, how will this affect your arrival? Tiffany - Newark, NJ
A: Well Tiffany, it is totally true! I am looking at my hands now and thinking "what am I going to do about these Wicked Witch of the West nails?" They are atrocious! I am in serious need of a mani, but it is simply not possible because of my current location. While it won't physically have a negative effect on my arrival, mentally it is very taxing. I mean, this is my chance to shine! The first time I get to greet the world and I'm stuck with these claws. How embarrassing! My mom always says, never present yourself in public without getting a mani and a pedi first! This will have to be the one exception to that rule, and I apologize to everyone in advance. My advice to all of you: look away from my hands, focus on my face....
Great question Tiffany!
Q: I noticed on your "SO not" list yesterday that some character named "Beth" was named. Who is this "Beth" and why are you SO not into her? Jonathan - Dallas, TX
A: John (can I call you John?), that is a great question! Beth is one of the cast members from The Real World : Los Angeles which aired, like, 100 years ago. However, she continues to sign up for every Real World/Road Rules Challenge that comes down the pipeline. I am SO not into her because she won't just let it go and call it an MTV Reality career. John, she is literally like 85 years old in MTV years! She was 24 when she first appeared on the Real World. 24!!!! Need I remind you that RW:Los Angeles was "Season 2" and they are now on SEASON 18?! I mean, COME ON! I am all about these Challenges as much as the next girl, but I know when it is time to put a horse out to pasture. She qualifies. BTW - Coral, if you're reading this, you're SO next so I'd seriously recommend retiring after Mexico.
Thanks for writing John!
Q: MaddieP, I really like the ultrasound photos you posted the other day. Are you going to post any more photos for us to look at? Christian Bale - Los Angeles, CA
A: Christian, OMG, thank you for taking time out of your schedule to read my blog and write to me! I know you are SO in in Hollywood right now doing tons of movies, so I am overwhelmed by your interest in my blog. Actually, Dr. Oz said that no more ultrasounds will be performed :( Supposedly, they are unnecessary unless there is a problem or concern, and right now I am giving him neither. Completely LAME, I know! Especially considering that the idiot ultrasound lady definitely did not get my good side in those last few pics.......
....Wait..... I just re-read your question and am now a bit disturbed if I may be totally honest. At first, I was flattered by your inquiry, but now I am wondering why you are so interested in me and my ultrasound photos. Are you some sort of weirdo? No offense, but it really just doesn't seem normal. Anyway, I've forwarded your name, address, phone number, and request on to both Dr. Oz AND the Los Angeles Police Department so hopefully someone will "get back to you" shortly.
Appreciate the question Christian!
Q: I was really inspired by your blog and want to start my own. However, it must be really difficult to blog from inside the womb. How are you able to do all of that formatting and typing in such a cramped space? Unnamed Fetus - Portland, OR
A: So here's the thing Unnamed Fetus. I was totally going to start out answering your question all serious, like I was really into it, lead you on, and then level with you. However, your question is just SO FRICKING stupid that I couldn't bring myself to do it! You are SUCH a fetard! Let me see, when my dad gets home from work, he fires a wireless keyboard and mouse into my mom's peek-a-choo, and then I just type away and return it all when I'm finished! Do you really think that is even remotely possible? Let me give you some advice UF. When you grow up and are tall enough to ride the carousel at the fair, make sure your mom puts you on one of the horses that DOESN'T MOVE! O-M-G!
Obviously, I dictate what I want the blog to say to my dad and he enters all of the words for me. I DON'T do the formatting as I explained in the first post. I told my dad to pick a decent format and then make adjustments once he received feedback from my subscribers. So you see UF, it is my blog, but channeled through my dad. GET IT?!
Good work making everyone else in the world feel smarter than you UF! Thanks for the "great" question?!
OK, that's about all the time I have for today's mailbag. I'm going to try to do this once a week if it is at all possible. I enjoy your questions and LOVE answering them, so keep them coming!
Tomorrow I get to go check out where I will be arriving once I check out of Casa de Utero. I am super excited! I only hope that there is "good" lighting, and that the amenities are all Dr. Oz said they would be. Later......
SO into:
- Blue Cheese
- Weezer
- Frogs
- Tennis Shoes
SO not:
- J.Lo
- Fetards
- Airport Security
- Reruns
- Sharks
2 comments:
Hey Maddie, great blog!
I really love the way you stick up for your mom's peek-a-choo! She must love that! What mom wouldn't?
BTW Apple just came out with the iwomb, which allows unborns such as yourself access to the web. You might want to get your dad off the couch, to do a little research.
What a great kid (Yankees suck!), with a great blog, and great parents (I mean how many dads would take the time to do all that blogging transcription stuff?!?)
So enjoy the time in the womb...can't wait to shake your little hand.
Maddie, this was (obviously) my favorite blog entry yet! And Eric is right, I _do_ love the way you stick up for my peek-a-choo...in fact, it almost made me pee my pants when I read about it. Embarrassing, I know, but really it's kind of your fault since you're always pushing on my bladder.
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