Where have I BEEN lately?!
I know, I know….
That is the question you have all been asking yourselves for the past 3 weeks.
My answer to you would be: where HAVEN’T I been lately???
And for that matter, what HAVEN’T I done lately?
I have been so super busy learning all kinds of new things while also lounging in a whole assortment of entirely new places.
Did any of you know I actually went to
Houston last week?
FRICKING
Houston!
I was only 5 (almost 6) weeks old at the time, so I know you are SO super impressed right now.
I flew on a plane (I heard from a friend of a friend that Suri wasn’t allowed to fly until almost 20 weeks.
I say, Mark Ronson Schmonson!), stayed at the NASA Hilton, chilled by the
Gulf of Mexico, and drank flirtinis by the pool (CHIC!).
JK on that last little nugget as I totally cannot consume anything other than formula right now.
I’m just a BABY! (Funny little side note on that whole situ.
Ask my dad sometime about the night he was so out of it that he gave me water instead of formula.
I had to puke all over him 3 TIMES before he realized what was going on.
He felt SO bad, but I told him not to worry, I was fine and that puking repeatedly was just my way of saying “HELLO!
ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME OR SOMETHING???!!!”)
BTW – No offense to all of my Houston readers, but I have to admit I’m not a big fan of your city. Everything is SO spread out, and there is not much in the way of scenery. I’ve heard the whole “only two things from Texas” cliché (OFFENSIVE!), but I think, if we’re talking about Houston, those “two things” should be changed to power lines and refineries cause that’s all I saw! Of course, making a neat little rhyme out of those two items might be a lot more difficult, but my readers are SO super smart, I just know they can figure it out. In fact, that could be our first maddiepandfriends contest (EXCITING!). I’ll start the saying and you finish it. We can post the winning idea along with a photo or something. As you can tell, I’m totally doing this off the top of my head so my organization is less than stellar. I know you’ve come to expect more, so I apologize in advance :( Ready? “The only two things from Houston are power lines and refineries and (insert your really super awesomely funny line here)…..”
Anyhoo, one thing I recently discovered is how much I love riding in the car. Now, when I say “riding in the car” I am mainly referring to the time spent in the car when it is actually moving. I absolutely HATE it when the car stops. In fact, I won’t stand for it! It’s like, I’m cruising along, minding my own business, enjoying the rhythmic motion of the road and the soothing sounds of the engine, and suddenly, POW, nothing….. SO frustrating! It always happens at the worst time too, like I’m just about to fall asleep or I’ve already been sitting in my seat for an hour and am one step closer to the edge of total explosion. I have no qualms about “letting mom or dad know” how so not into stopping I am almost every time it happens. This drives them crazy. Whatever. I just look back at them like “if you really loved me you’d throw your hazards on, lay on the horn, and totally run every red light you see so that we could essentially create some sort of perpetual motion scenario where we never had to stop.” Still hasn’t happened. If anyone out there has parents that actually love them, please write in. I’d love to hear about it!
In other news, I’ve discovered LOADS of other things I like doing. I am really quite a standout when it comes to holding my head up and looking around. I’m not gonna lie, I really dig this activity. Dad timed me one day and I was able to hold my head up for 41 seconds. Two days later mom timed me at almost a minute and a half (IMPRESSIVE!)!! FWIW – I also heard from a friend of a friend that Apple Paltrow couldn’t even do ONE minute at 8 weeks. Suck it Apple! These Hollywood babies are SUCH underachievers, it’s no wonder they end up in rehab by 16. Ms. Holmes, please explain to me again how it is that Suri is “so gifted”. Really, I’m dying to know. I’m not trying to be a total snot, I’m just saying.... Dad also scored me this wicked fun activity mat with all kinds of jungle animals, sounds, and mirrors. Who has two tiny thumbs and can lay and stare at herself in the mirror for hours? This baby! Here is a photo of me kicking it on my mat:
The combination of sights and sounds really “floats my boat”. I kick my legs super fast, wave my arms around wildly, and make a ton of crazy noises. What did the babies that came before me do before the creation of these activity mats? It is a complete and utter mystery to me. It’s a wonder they even developed at all (SAD!).
Mom also copped me some new denim since all of my other jeans still don’t fit me. Here’s a pic of me sporting said jeans. Notice the coordination of the top, jeans, and headband:
The LC rocks the headbands all the time on “The Hills” so I figured I should follow suit. I’m working on some sort of guest appearance since I’m such a fan of the show. I wrote the LC explaining how babies are SO the hot accessory in L.A. for the 08, and how much of a travesty it would be if she didn’t keep up with ALL the trends. I pitched it to her like so: They could literally just show random pics of me at various times during each episode. I don’t need lines and I don’t need to be an integral part of the storyline. They could show a scene of Lo being her typical, ugly, super mean self to Audrina and then cut quickly to a photo of me posing with the caption “Madelyn – Token Baby”, then back to the scene. Later, we see Spencer and Heidi having yet another contrived tiff, then, right in the middle of Spencer saying something totally stupid, cut to me hanging in my crib, then back to Heidi telling Spencer how stupid he is. See how that works? Totally cool right? Call me....
Well, that's about all for now. New mailbag coming soon and I'm warning you, it's going to be a MONSTER! It's super fantastic to be back in the blogosphere after my brief hiatus! Later.....
SO into:
- Pianos
- Checkerboards
- Prison Stripes
- Crinkly Paper
SO not:
- Scientology
- Red-eye Flights
- Unwanted Advice
- Humidity
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