First off, apologies for all of the adverbs in my blog title today, but I was just SO upset that I had to pass a test so soon after my arrival. No one told me anything about said test, and I was just totally put off by the whole ordeal. I mean, C'MON Dr. Oz, I'm out of the womb for like, 5 seconds, and you already are subjecting me to standardized testing??!! I thought we were on the same page, and that we both agreed that these "state regulated standardized tests" were no way to save the American school system. Then you go and drop this APGAR situ on me before I even got to say HELLO to my mom and dad. SO LAME!!! I had no time to prepare, zero time to study, and was not even informed about what the subject matter would be. Dad told me, had he known ahead of time, that he totally would've "taught to the test" so that I could ACE it, but felt he preferred that I arrive well-rounded instead. Don't get me wrong, I still got super fantastic scores, but the pressure involved was immense. OH, THE PRESSURE!!! Final piece of advice on the APGAR to all my unborn fetii out there, GET A TUTOR ASAP! Don't end up in the same situ I did, K :) Oh, and my final final word on this test, APGAR creators, you have totally ended up on my permanent "SO not" list. You suck with a side of suck. The only other current resident on that list is the Yankees, so, GREAT WORK! You should be REALLY proud.....
Phew, now that I have that out of the way, I can get into more important and super cool things related to my first week in the "real world". The list of firsts is so immense that I am only going to go into detail about a few of them. I even have pics to go with some of these stories so GET EXCITED! Lemme see, I got my first mani this week! We (and by we I mean dad, such a CONTROL freak!) "decided" that I was going to get a trim and file only, no polish. Dad said it was totally inappropriate for a 4 day old to have nail polish. I asked him why and he just replied, "Because I said so, that's WHY." (FWIW - I think he's going to use that phrase A LOT over the next few years) I was quite distraught by his decision due to the fact that I already had a totally awesome dark blue picked out (it's SO in around Hollywood right now) and it perfectly matched my eyes. Whatever... Anyhoo, I had to settle for the trim and file. Here is a pic of me during my first mani:
Doesn't dad look like such the nerd? He was really concerned the whole time because he didn't want to cut the skin on my little fingers. I wasn't exactly "cooperative" either, so that probably added to his trepidation. Don't tell him, but I cannot wait until mom hops in on this operation. I know she's a HUGE fan of polish so I'm sure she'll understand my desire to be properly painted ;)
We also made our first trip outside of the house on Friday. I had to go to the pediatrician to get a check up. Don't worry, I was completely healthy! I guess it is some kind of requirement after your arrival to ensure I arrived in the condition I was supposed to. Here is a pic of me at my first pediatric appointment:
I ask you, do I look concerned in this photo? No? Well, I SHOULD HAVE been! I was just lounging with my blanket, minding my own business, when some stranger waltzed through the door (she said she was a nurse, but I didn't actually see her credentials so who knows?) and proceeded to try to separate my little heel from the rest of my little foot. I kid you not!! She mentioned something called a "PKU", so I proceed to "ask" her if PKU actually stood for "complete and utter torture, even worse than water-boarding"!! (borderline inappropriate, I know. It's OK, I'm just a BABY!) It was like one of those ginormous paper cuts, you know, not the ones with your standard photocopy paper, but the ones from that super-sturdy, rigid plastic that encapsulates almost any small electronic device these days. Like, instead of buying one of those cheap tools advertised on TV, you figure you'll just go at it with a pair of scissors, only while you are halfway through the package, the cut plastic slides across your hand, and then, BAM, you're suddenly all super stingy and bleedy (is that even a word?). Well, it was honestly just like that, only worse! I cried and cried (wouldn't you?)! I finally settled down and found that was the worst part of the whole visit, so the rest was quite enjoyable. Dr. Karen (Dr. Oz recommended her, we sadly had to part ways after the delivery. I know, SO sad...) just kept telling me how cute I was, and everyone just doted over me for the rest of the time. Then, we got to go to breakfast at Devil's Food (top notch, one of my favorites pre-arrival), so it turned out OK.
The weather has been SO nice out here that we were able to get out of the house again yesterday. This time, we went to something dad called the "driving range". He promised it would be "probably the most exciting thing I had done EVER", but I thought, exciting, not so much... It was still fun, don't get me wrong. We had been cooped up in the house for most of the week, so I just liked getting out in the sunshine. Here is a pic of me with my dad at the range:
Dad said he'd get me some clubs ASAP so that I could hit with him. I am not even sure I'm necessarily interested in this proposition, but he looked really happy about it, so I'll humor him for now.
One final thing I figured out this week was how to wriggle out of a super-tight swaddle in no time. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy the swaddle. It's just that sometimes I don't want to be contained! Mom and dad get SO frustrated because they wrap me really snug, figuring this is the swaddle to end all swaddles, and that there it is simply not possible for me to get my hands free. Here is an example of that "ultimate swaddle":
Anyway, you should see the looks on their faces when, like 5 minutes after completion of the swaddle, I have my little hand up by my nose! Oh, the surprise, it just SLAYS me!!! I told them not to feel bad, I am just THAT amazing. I even tried to put a positive spin on my incredible "escaping" abilities. I said to dad, "hey, hang me upside down, put me in a tank of water, and let's take this show on the road. We can make MILLIONS!". Dad said that although he doesn't doubt how amazing I am, that my idea was extremely dangerous, and that him AND mom would probably end up in the clink if we tried to turn this little gem into a circus act. Whatever, Houdini, you've got NOTHING on me! I'm just saying.
Well, those were some highlights of my first week in the real world. I cannot WAIT to share more stories with you! Everything is just SO interesting. I am totally going to rock a MaddieP mailbag tomorrow so be patient (especially you, Aunt Em). I was so busy taking it all in that I totally skirted my blogging duties. Feel free to squeeze in any last minute questions you might have. As always, the bag is overflowing, but I can probably fit a few more in, you know, for all my real fans ;)
Later....
SO into:
- Baby Slings
- Car Trips
- Lounging
- Karate Pants
SO not:
- Standardized Testing
- Wet Diapers
- Lack of Extremity Control
- Gastrointestinal "Issues"
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