Latest Maddie Photos!! (43 photos), by meredith poppish

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Better Get A J-O-B If You Wanna Be With Me...

Yes, the rumors are true, my dad is now jobless! Fantastic! I was totally eyeing this super cool puma track suit as a critical addition to my wardrobe, but dad put the kibosh on that :( He said that all "unnecessary" purchases that are not "critical" to our survival have been placed on temporary hold until further notice. What a CROCK! I absolutely CANNOT show up to Montessori this fall sporting garb that is SO last season (can you say "travesty"?). I can not and will not!

I carefully "explained" my position on this spending freeze to dad figuring we'd find a comfortable middle ground, but he said my definition of "middle" was extremely biased in my favor and that I basically had two options. I could become an earner and start contributing to our family's financial security while also paying for some of my own crap (his words, not mine. I do not have "crap". Everything that I have I need. Trust me....).

My other option was to help him find gainful employment instead of lounging (his words again, not mine. I do not lounge. I am still a baby! I have SO many things to learn! When I am sitting, I am learning. When I am cruising, I am learning. When I am assuming downward-facing dog position randomly all over the living room without rhyme or reason, I am learning....) around the house all day. Obviously, I "chose" this option. I am not looking to get a job until I return from my finding myself in Europe after college.

Here is an action photo of me working my connections (I know that you know that I know people) trying to get dad back into the land of the bread winners:

That is me multitasking. I have this totally awesome setup where my computer is connected to my cell phone via bluetooth which is also connected to my Facebook IM (I have friends of friends who know people as well). I linked all three apps together and linked that group to my dad's LinkedIn profile. I'm sorry, did I just blow your mind right there? Can I just tell you, I am on the front lines of the technological revolution. However, it will not be televised. Before my segue into the next photo, I would like for you all to please note the sincere look of hope on my face in the previous pic. That is the look of someone with very little previous experience job hunting, especially considering our country's current rough economic situ.

Below I believe we have captured what only can be described as the "antithesis of hope", the proverbial "turd sandwich" of the "job market and deli" if you will.

OH, look away. LOOK AWAY I TELL YOU!!! That was me after countless phone calls, e-mails, texts, keyword searches on craiglist, resume submittals, customized cover letter creations..... I could go on, but I think you understand. Dad, I hate to break it to you, but I'm OUT! I'm out faster than Kramer in "the contest". I....can't......take......the......rejection..... I'm just a baby! Sorry, but if you need me I'll be rocking the lotus position in front of Tickle-Me-Elmo staring at him aimlessly while waiting for him to do something (why won't you just DO something Elmo? I don't get it, what do you want from me???) .

OK, let us switch gears for a moment before I come any closer to gouging my eyes out with this plastic spork I am holding (Dad said those are "safe". I normally would agree with that sentiment. That is until you receive the verbal tongue-lashing I just got from my "friend" over at Harpo who did not mean what she said when she told me to "feel free to call her whenever and to let her know if I ever needed anything". A simple "no" would have sufficed, thanks!). Sorry, switching gears now.

Anyhoo, we had company recently when Pops, Grammy, Uncle Bud, and Aunt Judy came to visit. BTW - I didn't mention it at dinner, but I totally agreed with Aunt Judy when she said, "That Jimmy Fallon, what's the big deal with him?". I met him and was less than impressed. Also, I caught his first show and would give it a marginal at best. It's OK now, but you use up your friend corral for guest stars, it's going to be slim pickings.....

Again with the tangents! My bad :( What I wanted to tell you is that during said visit, dad made a cake for Grammy since it was her birthday. LSS, I finally had my first "taste" of cake EVER, and let me just say, it was SO FRICKING AWESOME! Cake, where have you been all my life? Who cares, now that you are here you can never leave. EVER!!! I especially wanted you all to see just how much I enjoyed this chocolaty confection so I posted a video below of Pops giving me some.

Wasn't that AMAZING?! I felt like Frank the Tank when he did his first beer bong. The chocolate was just so good when it touched my lips. Grab another piece Pops, GRAB ANOTHER PIECE!!! Oh, I need to calm down. I don't know if that was me or the sugar talking. Apologies.

Well that's about all for now. Dad should have a new job soon. Ken, we are still a go for my appointment on the 29th OK? I am not going out on my first birthday without your fabulousness. We'll make it happen, don't worry. If dad calls, just hang up. I'm sure he's got some "emergency" fund somewhere, and if my hair on my birthday doesn't qualify, there will be problems. I'm not saying specifically what problems, just problems.....

Later....

And I Crawl, I Crawl So Far Away........

"I just crawl. I crawl all night and daaaayyyy!" I know, I know, it's about fricking time! At least that's what my dad keeps saying. (Thanks for the "support") Anyhoo, here is some super cool new video of me doing just that. CRAWLING!! SO impressive, I know.

FWIW - The production values on the following videos are totally sub-par, but that's because dad lost our video converter. Therefore, we were unable to utilize Windows Movie Maker to add really awesome effects and all that other stuff I've dropped on you in the past. Oh, and that stuff on my face, black beans. I don't crawl around dirty all day and I am definitely NOT rocking the 5 o'clock shadow (Please ignore the false rumors that Suri spread after I let her have a sneak peak at this new video. She didn't crawl til 11 months. Jealous much? Scientologists don't teach crawling. I can't explain, it's just one of their "things". Blame your parents.)

NOW WITH AUDIO!

This is a video/picture blog post with more words and wonderful thoughts to come later. Dad said he is "just too busy right now, GOSH!" due to work obligations. Whatevs. Now I know how Harry Chapin felt..... Wait for it...... Wait for it....... Get it??? Give it time, you will.

Here's a video of Regianne trying to make me laugh. As you'll see, I was just not having it. BTW - I totally thought the monkey puppet was HILARIOUS like 20 seconds prior, but then, just like that, I wasn't feeling it anymore. I have a look on my face like, "Regianne, that puppet was SO 20 seconds ago!". PRICELESS!

I am also attaching some photo ops from various moments in my life over the past few months. Holiday stories and the like will soon follow. Soon could mean tomorrow, it could mean 2 weeks from now. It'll probably be Easter for all I know. Ask Dad!







Later....

I Fly Like Paper

Get high in planes..... I went to Boston (FINALLY) a little over a month ago, and let me tell you, it was SO awesome! Not only did I get to see the wonderful city that is Beantown, but I also got to meet maddiepandfriends contributors Claire Bear and Kagger. SO FUN!!! I know that you are all aware that I have been a "world traveler" since I was four weeks old (WAIT! WHAT? If that was the reaction you just had, please see my Houston trip blog stat), but this was my FAV-O-RITE trip by far. Therefore, to make sure the justice I give said trip is apropos, I've decided to do a pictoral blog in an attempt to fully convey the fabulousness.

Let's begin, shall we? WE SHALL!!


I like to call this photo, "and this information is supposed to help us HOW?!" Don't get it twisted, I'm all about safety first. However, as dad was "reviewing the emergency procedures regarding the Boeing 737 located in our seat back pocket (I'm good huh? LOT'S of flying!)" with me, I couldn't help but think about how "neatly" all of these planes ended up after an emergency landing. Ah.... look.... that plane is perfectly intact and just floating on top of the ocean while all the people (who survived without a scratch BTW) exit the aircraft (there are 6, two in the front, two by the wings, and two in the rear. And don't forget, your closest exit may be behind you. OK, I'll stop, promise!) in an orderly and calm fashion.

This is me confirming the location of said exits:

I am SO thorough. Oh, and look at how well that woman uses the emergency slide! Did she practice? I give the "crash cards", as I like to call them, a 10 for cartoonish graphics, but a 1 for realistic depictions. More fire, possible human trampling in the cabin, and people avoiding the slide all together and just jumping for it could knock that score up to a 5 ;) I'm just saying.......

Anyhoo, we made it to Boston just fine. Dad sang "Dirty Water" as we were approaching Logan which drove me and mom CRAZY, but he does it all the time apparently so I guess I better just get used to it. He is SUPER embarassing!


I call this photo "The Platform". I know, what an amazing title, RIGHT?! Am I simply referencing the T platform or am I speaking in broader terms about the "platform" of my blog? In fact, is this "platform" simply a symbol of a jumping off point, if you will, for greater meaning in my life? PSYCH! I'm totally kidding! I just bit that title off of an old Dilated Peoples album! Sorry, I didn't mean to mess with your heads. My bad :( Seriously though, this was my first T ride, and it totally rocked. The rhythmic motion of the train combined with the monotonous noise almost put me to sleep! Dad said he wishes there were a T in Greenville because he'd just ride it from end to end with me every time I got difficult. I'm not sure if I should be flattered by his desire to spend even more time with me, or question what he means by "difficult". Whatevs.....

After the train ride, we went to the Boston Common. It was a perfect fall day, and the common had just the right balance of regular people and "crazies" to give it that honest, city feel.


I call this one, "Dad is SO awful at getting my attention when he takes photos. GOD!!" This is mom and I in the common after lunch. Oh, hang on, I'll wait for you to get over how adorable I am in this photo.......Waiting........Waiting.......I know the little bear ears on the hood are almost too much........Waiting.........Waiting.......... OK, that should suffice. I almost forgot to include this photo:


I call it, "Where is mom's head?" taken from the larger collection, "Where's mom's head and other amazing examples of why dad isn't allowed to take pics of us". He almost cut off my bear ears too! I mean, come on.....


This is one of my faves, and I titled it "Doesn't the atmosphere at Fajitas and Ritas just scream 'Let's throw a bunch of ish around' to you?". Dad told me that this was his shortest trip EVER to Fajitas and Ritas! I think we made it 15 minutes from sitting down to exiting the establishment. Honestly, I've never seen anyone put down three fajitas that fast. Big ups to mom too for downing that shrimp burrito in about 5 minutes. Maybe I missed something, but what was the rush? We were having fun, no?

After Boston, we went out to Claire Bear's house in Grafton to party it up some more. I finally met her, Kagger (FWIW, his real name is Connor), and Kaylee. Let me just tell you, these kids know how to rock! I thought that 6:30 only came once a day ;) We had SO much fun! Claire shared all of her toys with me (love, love, love the shopping cart with plastic condiments. already on the Christmas list) and we all played together all day and part of the night. I think I scared Connor when we first met, but I come from a very loud family, so we all tend to have that effect on people. Our bad :( The non-stop "festival of fun" at Claire's house leads me to my final photo of the trip:


I call it, "I am SO fricking tired! Wake me when we get back to my crib." I was just totally spent from the weekend, so I ended up napping almost the entire way home. No complaints from mom and dad on that one. It had the eerie feeling of a "set up", but what are you gonna do?

Anyway, that's about all for now. I'm working on a holiday post encompassing both Thanksgiving and Christmas, so look for that soon :)

Later.......

SO into:

• Whining (really into, I mean, really, really)
• Sippy Cups
• Baby Einstein (it is SO hypnotic, borderline trippy)
• Soft punk

SO not:

• Napping
• Talking Shop
• Ginger Ale
• Portraits of Vegetables (????)

Rob The Jewelry Store And Tell Them Make Me A Grill!!!

You wanna see my WHAT?! My grill, my, my, my grill.... Well, if you can't take a hint from the title of this blog and figure out what the heck I'm referring to, I'll spell it out for you. I finally got some teeth. *GASP* But Madelyn, you're SO young. You cannot possibly have teeth yet at only six months. Funny, I was thinking the same thing. Of course, when unexpected stuff like this happens, you all (I'm progressing towards "y'all", I just cannot bring myself to say it quite yet) know the first person I call is my pediatrician, Dr. Oz.

Yes, I know, I was SO over him at one point. He kept going on Oprah with that 50 lb. glob of congealed scrambled eggs that supposedly "sits between our stomach and our whatever" lecturing America about health and I was like, hey, doc, I have my OWN set of problems that we need to address. Let's worry about saving America later, K? I mean, that audience has been at this whole thing called "life" for a minimum of eighteen years while I've been on the outside for about 180 days. This isn't their first rodeo, if you know what I mean. They can wait.... Let's focus.... So we were on and off, hot and cold, much like Dylan and Kelly from nine-O, or Katy Perry's new song if you're looking for references from this century, but now we're back on. I'll pause for applause.............. OK.

Anyhoo, Dr. Oz told me that apparently infants can get teeth anywhere between the ages of four and twelve months. Quite a frickin' range if you ask me, and you did. It makes it kind of difficult to plan my social life around that type of schedule. You might be thinking "what possible bearing could teething have on MaddieP's social calendar? I mean, they're just teeth right?". While you were thinking that, I was biting my lip trying to resist the urge to COMPLETELY FREAK OUT!!! O-M-G!!! Let me tell you, teething is NO garden party! Teething keeps you up at night, makes you sick to your stomach, gives you a fever, and also makes you drool uncontrollably 24-7. OH, and I'm leaving out the best part, my "fave" if you will. PAIN! OH, THE PAIN!!!!! Holy FRICK, it hurts so FRICKIN' bad! SO bad, that dad allowed me to put "frick" in caps twice in the same sentence.

If you still don't think it's a big deal, why don't you try going to a brand new, never before visited cause you just moved, playground, strike up a convo with the girl in the next swing over about Britney and whether her comback is for real, or simply another Gossip Mag/MTV fabrication (They build you up just to knock you down Brit Brit. Don't get fooled again!), and think you're making a new friend cause she's seemingly so enthralled with the knowledge you are dropping, only to look down and find out you've created a Lake Mead of drool below your swing! (EMBARASSING!) BTW - That sentence was way too long and totally a run-on, but I needed to make a point. Then, while you are frantically searching for mom with that "hey, little help here?!" look on your face begging her to swoop in with a washcloth and fix the mess, breakfast suddenly decides to make a return trip, and next thing you know, you're puking all over your new "friend's" shoes!! I don't think I need to tell you who couldn't sink into their stroller low enough on the way out on that fine day. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, teething. Super fantastic!

Well, I realize there are babies starving in the world, babies without swing sets, babies who are unable to get their moms to help control their newly developed drooling problem, so I will stop complaining. I've decided to make the best of the whole situ and do something SUPER cool! You may not believe this, but I've asked dad to hook me up with a new grill! Yeah, you know, some teeth jewelry for my new teeth. (FRESH!) I understand that grills might have been, like, SO four years ago, but I wasn't around four years ago so too bad. I'm doing it anyway. Plus, I thought of the perfect inserts for my customized grill. No, not diamonds, not sapphires, not gems of any kind. I'll pass on the alphabet, precious metals, and any type of phrasing. You know what I'm getting on my grill? I know, the suspense is BRUTAL! OK, OK, I'm gonna tell you now. CARE BEARS! SO cool, right! CARE BEARS!! We're going with Wish Bear, Bedtime Bear, Birthday Bear, and Friend Bear on top, and rocking Funshine Bear, Cheer Bear, Good Luck Bear, and Tenderheart Bear along the bottom row. "The whole top bears, and the bottom row is bears too"?? Whatevs. You can't rap to it, but everyone is definitely going to be shouting "Smile for me Maddie. (watcha lookin' at?) I wanna see your grill".

On that note, I'm out.

Later......

SO into:

• Obama
• Winnie the Pooh
• Brain Teasers
• Cobra (it's a yoga position, look it up)
• Bathtime

SO not:

• Tax Windfalls
• Beady Eyes
• Direct Sunlight
• Dead Flowers (the flowers, not the song, love the song)
• Things that go Pear-shaped

And I Want...And I Need...And I Love...

ANIMALS!!! O-M-G! They are SO cool! I have all kinds of stuffed ones. No, not like animals that were once alive but are now dead and stuffed by some crazy taxidermist (Are all taxidermists crazy? I'm not sure, but I think MANY of them just might be.) Anyway, that's SO not my point in this intro so I digress. Apparently, unbeknownst to me, said animals have been hiding in my crib for like, months, and I had no idea. NONE! The only thing I ever could see in my crib was a suspicious looking white mound, but I could never quite reach it to find out what exactly it was (think The Black Rock on "Lost").

The mystery was absolutely driving me insane, but I just could...not...get...to...that...FRICKIN...mound. UNTIL THE OTHER DAY!!! Let me just tell you, I have become much more mobile and resourceful (Genius much?) lately, and was finally able to wiggle my way over to the mound while dad assumed I was "napping". I slid over, grasped the cover of this engima, and yanked! Well, well, well.... Welcome to stuffed animal heaven, population ME! I was unable to contain my excitement as I thrashed wildly amongst all of my new found furry friends which caused a noticeable ruckus. This drew the attentoin of my dad who proceeded to walk in my room and stumble upon the following scene:

I just laid there and smiled, soaking it all in. Dad even laughed out loud for quite a while. So get this, I have the following in my crib right now as we speak. Oh, BTW - these are in no particular order cause I don't want any of my animals to get offended or feel that I am picking favorites. After all, we all just met so that would NOT be cool! I have a pig, a lion, a moose, a sheep, a bear (sorry Stephen Colbert, but I simply do not find my bears threatening so you're gonna just have to deal. We're still on for tea next Thursday though right? Thought so....), a monkey, a dog, and a panda. I have had in-depth convos with all of them, except the panda.

Now, of course you're probably asking yourself, "MaddieP, why would you talk to all of the other animals but not that panda? That just seems cold." Well, before you waste time asking yourself that question, lemme provide an explanation. This will save us all some time in the long run, and I'm a big fan of time saving! You see, the panda actually only speaks Chines (CONFUSING!). No lie, I'm not making this up. My dad's friend Chris literally carried my panda on his person all the way from China and personally delivered him to MY house. Super fantastic job Chris! However, next time, and this is just a suggestion, perhaps you could also include a Chinese-English dictionary which might help the panda and I to communicate. Right now it is just a lot of noises and blank stares :( I'm just saying.

I should also reiterate the fact that this panda is not, nor ever was, alive. I do not want dad's friend to get extradited to China to face charges of panda smuggling because of some little blog I wrote (INNOCENT!). That would SO not be cool and I worry that Chris could end up in some brutal communist prison never to be heard from again (It happens. Just ask Mr. Bauer). Also, I know a log of my readers have seen "Red Corner" and I think we can all agree that, in real life, Richard Gere would've probably received that bullet he offered to pay for. Morbid, maybe, but true, most definitely..... I think you're safe for now Chris :)

Another "animal related" adventure I experienced recently was a trip to Discovery Place in Charlotte, NC. O-M-G! I can't believe I forgot to tell you that I moved to South Carolina!!! I just realized that right this second! That's how long it's been since we last spoke. CRAZY! Anyway, my bad... FWIW - This blog has gone way off the tracks of what I planned on talking about (and what I promised the other day), but we might as well ride it out. So, back to Discovery Place. It was tons of fun. Here is a pic of me hanging by one of the fish tanks:


Those fish were super interesting and I couldn't stop staring. I know it's rude to stare, and I can't imagine if someone stood outside my window all day long and just stared and stared and stared while I went about my day. That is grounds for arrest if you ask me, and you did. However, apparently it IS allowed, encouraged even, if you are staring at fish (even baby fish) and not people. Who knew?!

Alright, well as you can all see, I'M BACK! I will not leave you hanging for two whole months ever again. Sounds like more hollow promises I know, but I will do my best to regain your faith and trust ;) I can't wait to post more pics this week to show all of the maddiepandfriends what else I've been doing. I have moving stories, eating stories, rolling over stories, feet stories (OH, my feet! Most likely, probably, the COOLEST things in the history of all things cool), etc. You get the idea. I will talk to you all again soon.

Later......

SO into:

• Sweet Potatoes (You say potato, I say holy frickin tasty!)
• Anything foot and/or feet related
• Rubber ducks (lights inside or no lights, both are fantasic)
• The new Fall Season
• Ketchup
• Tina Fey

SO not:

• Sleeping on my back
• Cold Water
• Empty cribs (where did all my stuffed friends go?)
• Salsa
• Brendan Fraser
• Tales of Woe

It's Been A LONG Time!

I shouldn't have left you without a dope beat to step to.... MY BAD! I wanted to post my brand new, totally super cool music video right away. I will be blogging again starting this weekend, but this will have to hold you over for now.

Topics to be discussed this weekend include: what the heck I've been up to for 2 whole months, a GIANT SUPER-SIZED "SO into" and "SO Not" list with details (EXCITING!), and a brief but extremely poignant rant regarding Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson and their suspected involvement with poles (GROSS!).....