I carefully "explained" my position on this spending freeze to dad figuring we'd find a comfortable middle ground, but he said my definition of "middle" was extremely biased in my favor and that I basically had two options. I could become an earner and start contributing to our family's financial security while also paying for some of my own crap (his words, not mine. I do not have "crap". Everything that I have I need. Trust me....).
My other option was to help him find gainful employment instead of lounging (his words again, not mine. I do not lounge. I am still a baby! I have SO many things to learn! When I am sitting, I am learning. When I am cruising, I am learning. When I am assuming downward-facing dog position randomly all over the living room without rhyme or reason, I am learning....) around the house all day. Obviously, I "chose" this option. I am not looking to get a job until I return from my finding myself in Europe after college.
Here is an action photo of me working my connections (I know that you know that I know people) trying to get dad back into the land of the bread winners:
Below I believe we have captured what only can be described as the "antithesis of hope", the proverbial "turd sandwich" of the "job market and deli" if you will.
OH, look away. LOOK AWAY I TELL YOU!!! That was me after countless phone calls, e-mails, texts, keyword searches on craiglist, resume submittals, customized cover letter creations..... I could go on, but I think you understand. Dad, I hate to break it to you, but I'm OUT! I'm out faster than Kramer in "the contest". I....can't......take......the......rejection..... I'm just a baby! Sorry, but if you need me I'll be rocking the lotus position in front of Tickle-Me-Elmo staring at him aimlessly while waiting for him to do something (why won't you just DO something Elmo? I don't get it, what do you want from me???) .
OK, let us switch gears for a moment before I come any closer to gouging my eyes out with this plastic spork I am holding (Dad said those are "safe". I normally would agree with that sentiment. That is until you receive the verbal tongue-lashing I just got from my "friend" over at Harpo who did not mean what she said when she told me to "feel free to call her whenever and to let her know if I ever needed anything". A simple "no" would have sufficed, thanks!). Sorry, switching gears now.
Anyhoo, we had company recently when Pops, Grammy, Uncle Bud, and Aunt Judy came to visit. BTW - I didn't mention it at dinner, but I totally agreed with Aunt Judy when she said, "That Jimmy Fallon, what's the big deal with him?". I met him and was less than impressed. Also, I caught his first show and would give it a marginal at best. It's OK now, but you use up your friend corral for guest stars, it's going to be slim pickings.....
Again with the tangents! My bad :( What I wanted to tell you is that during said visit, dad made a cake for Grammy since it was her birthday. LSS, I finally had my first "taste" of cake EVER, and let me just say, it was SO FRICKING AWESOME! Cake, where have you been all my life? Who cares, now that you are here you can never leave. EVER!!! I especially wanted you all to see just how much I enjoyed this chocolaty confection so I posted a video below of Pops giving me some.
Wasn't that AMAZING?! I felt like Frank the Tank when he did his first beer bong. The chocolate was just so good when it touched my lips. Grab another piece Pops, GRAB ANOTHER PIECE!!! Oh, I need to calm down. I don't know if that was me or the sugar talking. Apologies.
Well that's about all for now. Dad should have a new job soon. Ken, we are still a go for my appointment on the 29th OK? I am not going out on my first birthday without your fabulousness. We'll make it happen, don't worry. If dad calls, just hang up. I'm sure he's got some "emergency" fund somewhere, and if my hair on my birthday doesn't qualify, there will be problems. I'm not saying specifically what problems, just problems.....
Later....
